depressed-bunny8

I hope that the sweet scent of
Your fragile cigarettes left behind on my clothes
Does not leave me soon;
As long as the smell remains
I can pretend I have a piece of you
Lingering around me
As if it were still smoke that you could see

I also hope that the taste of
Your skin (which will be bruised tomorrow)
Takes its time to fade away
Because for as long as it taints my lips
I can be satisfied with the small amount
Of time we had

Oh and the high from those
Unmentionable substances
Is already slipping through my fingers
It's such a shame

Occasionally, I may pretend to think you love me
Wish to find evidence of myself being more than a toy-
    A play thing to easily superseded
Create in my mind thoughts of warm feelings-
    More then distractions from your pain
Your pain, which  is made less while creating mine-
    And I don't pay mind
But when the illusion I created falls on its face,
    And the truth delivers a bullet to my hope
I see clearly what lies behind your words
It all indicates that your feelings for me are... mutable?
So, I cogitate; do you think of me beyond my touch?
I believe I know, and I am waking up now
    to see where my ignorance and mistakes are taking me
Even with this, my heart will not let me,
    Not allow me to suffocate the hope it created foolishly



(p.s. I was correct in thinking this; the boy who was on my mind while this was written has now attained a girlfriend; obviously not me :/)

your being alive evokes a feeling
a feeling of hate in me
with a hint of despair

your eyes bring tears to mine
and leave the hair on the back of my neck
standing tall and erect

suddenly the thought of your absence
(permanent absence)
makes revelry fill my bones
and my lips creep up my face
forming a sickly smile